Let it be known

At twenty-five I am finding it altogether and abundantly apparent that an individual must make clear and concise choices in order to become anything. I have spent much of my life allowing things to happen. I have not worked particularly hard at becoming someone as I never quite knew who it was I wanted to become. I believe God is beginning to stir within me a desire to change. A desire to no longer accept everything given to me at face value. I have allowed life to happen and passively reacted to a majority of the events of my life. Sadly, much of this has been caused by a sort of feigned acceptance of life as it was. I have rarely understood what it was to have confidence in any belief or dream to walk forward despite all odds. To complicate matters, I have lived in hopes of pleasing everyone that came across my path. Naturally, everyone I meet has different perceived desires which has caused great confusion in my life.

The tricky thing to all of this is ensuring that my desire to take control of the life God has given me is focused and relegated to honoring and seeking His will for this life. It is His life and not my own. I have long felt it impossible to reach any goals or dreams when the path was unmarked. This path being unmarked may actually have been caused my lack of self-discipline in the areas of dreams deferred and action steps taken. Instead of acting upon a variety of calculated expected results, I have allowed situations to happen and dealt with them only when the need was great. This is a destructive method and one I surely do not recommend.

One of the great stumbling blocks in my life lies in my emotional responses to situations and people. I have allowed momentary fears to make me choose actions and words I would otherwise abstain from using. But the year of jubilee has come! The captive has been set free. Mistakes and hindrances are forgotten as I leap forward in hopes that I am not about to lie at the bottom of a pit.

I expect to make mistakes after this blog is written. Perhaps I will make more than ever before. But to walk forward in confidence, I must believe that competence is possible if not fully realized yet.