Rembering Peter

Well it's midnight of March 31st. I cannot sleep for a variety of reasons, one of which being I seriously haven't tried that hard.

Nevertheless, I'd be remiss not to acknowledge what this day has meant to my family for a quarter of a century. Every year on this day, the date reminds us of the day my brother, Peter left the world as we know it at age 7 after a lifetime of complications.

I was so young, 4.5 months old. I naturally don't remember the one I would have called brother. What I am all too familiar with is the absence that his passing left on the family. I'm glad that he was born. The very fact of his birth and death has made me a gentler, more compassionate person. I like to think anyway. It is impossible and virtually fruitless to imagine what life would have been like with the boy. How can one imagine a life unknown?

I think of him sometimes at work, when I look into the eyes of one of my participants. I wonder what Peter would have been like had he survived to adulthood.

But people enter and leave our lives for reasons unexplained. What matters most in life is not why things happen or why people come and go. What matters most is how we respond to those situations - the good and the bad. Who do we put our trust in?

As for myself, I will acknowledge God. He makes clear the path that is unknown. He brings meaning and life to even the darkest of nights.

Oh that sweet gospel

I'm FREE!!! I do not have to be perfect which means I can be me! YAY! I just kind of wanna jump around and dance. Instead, I will jam out to this song I'm listening to - "When the Spirit of the Lord" by Fred Hammond.

When a Christian pursues the works of the self justification, they ignore the grace of God. I have struggled for some time (and maybe still will) with working towards being perfect. I was that way before I knew Christ and I continued that pursuit after He poured His love over me. I figured He showed me love and in turn I must be perfect! Silly, I know. Whenever we state out loud what keeps us fearful it usually becomes somewhat laughable. Oh the precious freedom I feel trusting in Jesus alone.

We are saved by faith in Christ.......end of story. The beginning of the story is that we cannot ever save ourselves. We can never make up for how wretched and disgusting we are. We can never overcome the darkness inside of our souls no matter how many good things we do or how good we try to be. We just can't close the chasm between us and God. He is the creator and we are the created and we are destined for an eternal separation from Him in Hell because of our ways. Sure we justify ourselves so much and even tell ourselves that we aren't that bad...but we are. We are as bad as we fear.

But then Christ Came! He came, lived, and died and became the perfect substitute for our sin. He died so that we would not have to experience separation from God ever again. Jesus saved us! He really did! He offers us free grace. All God asks is that we trust in Jesus and his death and resurrection. It makes no sense to us but that's just it - God's ways are higher than ours. We don't need to understand, we just need to put our hope in Him.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. - 1 Corinthians 1:18

If the gospel message does not make sense to you. Seek God in prayer, read His word, and ask Him to reveal it to you. He will and that will give you the freedom to trust in Him. Then...we can dance! :)

I see you

At first glance, you were my participant.
I was put in charge of your file.
I put up with all that you gave out
for the sake of my job.

Today in the struggle,
you cried out. I came
to your side and gave
a single smile.

You repaid me in full.
You smiled and I smiled.
We danced in the moment.
Eyes opened to our shared
humanity.

I spoke softly and quietly,
you let go of your pain.
I sang you a song,
you kept on smiling.

I added a positive moment
to your life.
You added life into
my moment.

Your smile touched my heart.
I am forever changed
in the blink of a moment.

A Saturday thought

I think I'm starting to like being 25. I was reflecting today and realized that in the last year or so - I've spent a lot of time exploring. Exploring who it is I am. I'm beginning to know and understand a little bit better who Stacey is. She's far from perfect and not even always the nicest individual but I think I like her. :) The best part is I believe I will like her even more as I continue to strive to become who it is God created me to be. It's hard and I struggle. But the rewards are awesome!

So let me ask you this. Isn't it enough that God knows and understands your life situation? He understands far beyond that. He sees the big picture and He will guide you. Isn't that enough? You can trust Him.

Tripping into SIN

For reasons unknown, we are brought low to the bottom and depth of ourselves.
We find the end of who we are. We see the reality of what we've become.
We look into ourselves and see ugliness, deception, betrayal, deceit.
We find bigotry, racism, hatred, and war.
Self-love and pride sitting distinctly at the core.

The mirror portrays a reflection foreign to our own understanding.
Surely, this image is wrong. For the man inside of us is
Justified.
Yes, justified to our own minds.
Rationale and defense for
everything we've ever done.
if only others would understand.

But not this time. This reflection is pure and the judgments are made.
We are found WANTING.
Hopeless we finally turn from this mirror,
crying out, for we are helpless to fix ourselves.
In our suffering, we can see the truth behind all the
entangled, miserable, attempts at righteousness.

We see that helping hand we gave as pure deceit hoping others
would not see the reality of who we are.
We see that smile as a plead for acceptance and love instead of an act of giving.
We see our the truth of it all.
We have found the darkness of our soul.

Yet, soon the necessity of this realization comes forth. Our understanding
enlightened once more as we hear clearly
for the sounds of self-love have grown quiet
and the call of Jesus Christ sings through the storm.
We hear his call to come and rest in Him. To turn to HIM.
The only one who does all things perfect and right.
The only one who can redeem.
Yes, even now He can make things right.
Yes, the judgment stands. But it will sit on his shoulders.
For he can bear
our BURDENS. For He claimed VICTORY
on that hill and cross over 2,000 years ago.
The ancient story brings renewal again,
as another sinner turns and repents.

He has brought us down, to lift up! Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
All victory and praise belong to the hope of all mankind - Jesus Christ!

Reflections on love

This love you call us to is complicated.
It is not about niceties,
feelings,
or keeping the peace
If so, this love would be easy;
A law in its own right.

Rather, love is beautiful;
reckless when discovered.
No longer about self protection.
It is about others. It is about truth.
Justice is present, yet grace abounds.
The captive is freed, while the freedman is bound.

Love is not easily explained by words,
rather by actions it is discovered.
Love without sincerity is hatred.
Love without truth is treachery.

Love is defined by the name of Jesus Christ.
Perfected among brothers.
Shared with neighbors.
Found among friends.

Let it be known

At twenty-five I am finding it altogether and abundantly apparent that an individual must make clear and concise choices in order to become anything. I have spent much of my life allowing things to happen. I have not worked particularly hard at becoming someone as I never quite knew who it was I wanted to become. I believe God is beginning to stir within me a desire to change. A desire to no longer accept everything given to me at face value. I have allowed life to happen and passively reacted to a majority of the events of my life. Sadly, much of this has been caused by a sort of feigned acceptance of life as it was. I have rarely understood what it was to have confidence in any belief or dream to walk forward despite all odds. To complicate matters, I have lived in hopes of pleasing everyone that came across my path. Naturally, everyone I meet has different perceived desires which has caused great confusion in my life.

The tricky thing to all of this is ensuring that my desire to take control of the life God has given me is focused and relegated to honoring and seeking His will for this life. It is His life and not my own. I have long felt it impossible to reach any goals or dreams when the path was unmarked. This path being unmarked may actually have been caused my lack of self-discipline in the areas of dreams deferred and action steps taken. Instead of acting upon a variety of calculated expected results, I have allowed situations to happen and dealt with them only when the need was great. This is a destructive method and one I surely do not recommend.

One of the great stumbling blocks in my life lies in my emotional responses to situations and people. I have allowed momentary fears to make me choose actions and words I would otherwise abstain from using. But the year of jubilee has come! The captive has been set free. Mistakes and hindrances are forgotten as I leap forward in hopes that I am not about to lie at the bottom of a pit.

I expect to make mistakes after this blog is written. Perhaps I will make more than ever before. But to walk forward in confidence, I must believe that competence is possible if not fully realized yet.

A heavenly meeting, but certainly not heavenly conversation

After my last post, I felt the Lord impress upon me to read through a gospel. I didn't get very far. I got stuck in Matthew 1:21-23. The baby to be born of Mary is declared to be named "Jesus" because he will save his people from their sins, and the next verse declares him "Immanuel" meaning God with us. (stacey explanation - go and read them if you want)

Wow - Jesus Christ. What an amazing name and what an amazing prophecy. Jesus Christ, is the Savior and he is GOD! I don't know. Something about that makes me stand in awe. Wholly God, wholly man and One incredible purpose! I had a moment that I've rarely had where I desired above all else to just see him. I desired that I could have had the chance to know him as he humbly walked this earth before his death. Then I flashed to a concept (which I've always wanted to try to write) that's always made me giggle and yet humbly stand in reverent fear of God.


This is my interpretation of the reunion of all the saints in heaven. I don't believe this conversation would ever happen because I don't believe complaining and comparison is present in heaven, but I feel it represents a reality of all of our lives - our tendency to compare to other points in time and thinking things would be different.

When we meet in Heaven

Israelites (Old Testament period) -
Yes, we saw God move in powerful ways over the years. But life was hard in those days. We knew God only as the great "I am". We knew him as Adonay or YHWH or even Elohim. We saw his hand bring us out of Egypt, provide a cloud for us to follow, and bread from heaven to eat. We had a faint idea that He would save us but didn't understand what it fully meant. Overtime, we learned what God expected of us from our fathers- Abraham, Issac, and Jacob and then the prophets foretold us that a savior would come. We knew we were a nation set a part to be holy. If only we had known of Jesus by name, we never would have struggled and tested God so often. We tried to follow a law that never saved us. We trusted in God's promises though that a savior would come. We did not know His name, so we studied the law, watched for signs, and waited. For years and years we waited. If only........

New Testament Jewish/Gentile Christians -
Oh man, it was impossible not to be impacted by who Jesus was! So many had known him personally and they had that precious memory. Many more of us had never known him or understood him while he walked the earth but we heard the stories over and over of who he declared himself to be, how he lived, how he died, and most amazing - how he rose again! We had the Holy Spirit within us teaching and equipping us to do good works as well. But it was hard- we didn't have the Bible as you later Christians had it. We had the Torah but that only led to confusion and trouble for the Gentile Christians. Surely if we would have had the opportunity to study Paul's letters and the rest of the New Testament it would have been easier to follow Christ. Surely if we would have had years of church history to study and understand we would have better understood the human condition. If only we would have had what you.......

Modern day 20th century Christians
Oh man, the Bible is such an amazing gift from our Lord to us. We used it to study, to pray, seek understanding, and we grew in our understanding of who Christ was/is within the beautiful words of that book. We taught one another how to live and we listened to hundreds of sermons and ready many books based off of the teachings of the Bible. We read the in depth works of classic theologians. Some spent years earning a degree in the study of various Christian principles. The Holy Spirit didn't seem as active as we read about in the book of Acts but He was certainly with us - moving and teaching us. It wasn't the same as seeing God first hand part the red sea, or to have seen Jesus himself wow. If ONLY! If only we had seen Him in person, then things would have been different! Or even to have experienced God parting the red sea...surely we would have been different. We knew the end was coming based off our understanding of the Bible but over 2,000 years had past - complacency was always a struggle.

God's reply to all of us -
You each had a role to play. Where you found yourself in time and place was not the important fact. You each had to make a choice with the knowledge you had, experiences you had, and the Spirit's leading. It was never all about you but it was about revealing my glory in the grandest story told over all time. My grace is more than enough to cover over all of your sins and errors. You each chose to trust in my Son, Jesus and thus, my plan of redemption was brought about. There are no "if onlys" when I am the author and finisher of the story.


So, since we are still living, I think this is the moral of the story -

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. - Ecclesiastes 12:13

Love begets love

Yes, God cares.

I started this day out early and after very little sleep. I was worried and concerned about all the deadlines of the day. I knew how much I had to get done and I had doubts that it could all be completed. I've had little sleep throughout this week so far and didn't know if I could survive this day! Yes, I happen to know I live to the flare of the dramatic, but still - even if I did survive the day, it would certainly be a day of drudgery. So, as per usual I drove to work and tried to lose my thoughts in the radio. On my way to work, I was stopped for a few minutes, so I silenced the radio and said a quick, but sincere prayer asking Him to help me. I told Him that I couldn't do it without His help.

Well, I survived the day. As a matter of fact, I had a good day. I even helped a co-worker out when I selfishly wanted to focus on my needs. I finished all the necessary deadlines. I recall at some point singing a song that focused on God, but my thoughts weren't on Him all day. My thoughts were on accomplishing my enormous tasks at hand!

But as I was sitting here, I realized that God was with me all day, helping me along and encouraging me and giving me exactly what I needed. I didn't save the world today. I didn't save anyone else's world either. I accomplished no feat of greatness, nothing that I see that will affect eternity. But, God was with me. He helped me and He gave me a great day. He allowed me to honor the commitments I've made to the organization I serve.

Not everyday is like this of course, but I know that this morning God heard my prayer, and He answered because it was in His good pleasure to do so. I didn't accomplish anything today, He did. He didn't have to. He does not answer to me; I answer to Him. But He is good, loving, and He provided. Thanksgiving arises in my heart. Thank you Lord!

I have to admit, this causes questions to rise within me as well. Why does He bother? I often am troubled when I find myself praying for things that don't matter to me or shouldn't matter. (Small things - worries, minor inconveniences, and the like) I get distressed when people give me prayer requests that I deem unnecessary. (terrible, isn't it?!) But...still. Isn't God about His business? My day at work doesn't seem to fall under that category.

Asking why God does what He does isn't always the most productive question. God is way bigger than we are. But I can ask myself or anyone reading - what does this show us about God's character? What does this show us about His love and provision?

My first thought goes to the image of a young parent joyfully giving their child a toy. Is it necessary? No. But it make the child happy, which in turn warms the heart of the parent. I think God just likes to give good gifts. Our lives are ALL About Him. Nothing else matters. But, He created us and knows that other things bear significance to us.

My second thought goes to the image of a romantic couple getting to know one another. What one individual cares about, the other individual naturally wants to know more about it. We as humans care about what people we love care about. It's pretty natural. Sometimes we don't have the same interest, but we support their interest. I think God enjoys seeing what we care about and helping us along.

Maybe it all seems foolish, but this whole thought process is making me realize that God loves me! Yes, He really does! He loves me enough to give me a good day, to help when help is needed, and to do all sorts of other unnecessary things. I mean, I knew He DIED for me, but He loves me! He really does!! I think he even might like me!

This is why we can be EXACTLY who we are before Him. He knows all about us and He loves us! I think overtime, God reveals to us the things that really matter and always is molding us more into the image of His Son but He still loves our humanity. (I am NOT taking away the fact that without Christ we are worthless worms deserving death and eternal separation from God.) However, with Christ and that forgiveness - God opens that door to have a relationship with us. Human beings were God's idea as was the rest of creation! We also have a purpose and a calling, but I think first and foremost, we are beloved of God.

But knowing how much God loves me, draws my heart towards His. And as I understand God's love for me, I long to care and passionately pursue the very things He's passionate for! No longer am I operating under fear of punishment or fear of His displeasure, but I find myself desiring to do His will because He has caused my heart to desire Him. What joy is found when men are freed to love abundantly and freely.

So never be afraid to be who you really are to God. He doesn't just want the spiritual side of you - He wants ALL of you. But don't be surprised that as you allow Him access to who you really are and what you care about if He draws you to care about the things that touch His heart.

He loves you and His perfect love will birth a love within you for Him and others!

Welcome to my playground

Welcome to My Playground!

Swing with me and embrace the mysteries that only the heavens can reveal.
Slide down into the depths of despair only to move forward and go for another round!
Explore the tunnels and find the secret parts of the soul.
Face you fears and slide down the fireman's pole. If you fall, my Father will catch you!
Monkey around with those crazy horizontal bars. Keep trying and you will learn perseverance and strengthen your muscles. Plus you will learn the joy of success!
Explore what is buried beneath the sands. Dig deep enough and you may find treasure!
Cross the bridge when it comes, for there is more to explore on the other side.
Grab a friend and try the see-saw! True friendship involves helping one another.

Don't stop now! There is so much more to learn and do.

Hide, only to be found! Then seek the lost.
Rest underneath the tree. This is a perfect place to read and refresh yourself.
Justice and mercy can be found in the four squares.
Climb the trees, for they bear much fruit.
Run, jump, skip, hop, and if you feel up to it - try a cartwheel! Feel the joy rising in your soul!
Share, and you will double this joy.
Invite the shy and the stumbling into all that you have, you will be richly rewarded.

Whatever you do, don't lose heart! Keep playing, learning, and growing! When you skin your knee, a scar will form but you will heal. If you break an arm, take that time to rest, but return for there is so much more to do! Build that castle, though the rain may come, you are better for having built it. When you make a mistake and hurt your friends, I may ask you to sit out for a time, but you will always be welcomed back. And, above all never forget- I have given you all of this. Enjoy! You are so very dear to me, my love for you will never change. Bring your questions and concerns to me, invite me to your games, and I will share with you all that I care about. I'll give you a push when you need it and I'll teach you how to reach new heights. I will introduce you to new friends and help you say goodbye when it is time.

What are you waiting for? Don't stand in the entrance any longer. Come in!

Waiting!

Okay, I've allowed myself space to write. Now I need something to write about.
Alas, I wait and continue to wait for inspiration.
I wait for something to passionately move me. I wait for just one line! One line will flow into the next. But nothing. Song lyrics and verses from others crawl across my mind. This is unacceptable. I must write something original. Perhaps not original topics, but I cannot fill a blog with song lyrics (well at least not unless they are my own)!


Waiting


Waiting


Waiting


Waiting is the reasonable sign and all together necessary reminder that inspiration and the brilliant flow of words are not mine to possess. Rather, the creativity that flows within all of us is a gift. A precious gift that we must understand by the nature and definition of a gift is a free object or idea provided to us by someone. What we are given in this life is nothing that we are entitled to. Life is not our entitlement. Happiness is not an entitlement. Possessions, relationships, purposes are not entitlements. Living in the grand USA, we get confused about that. But trust me, you are entitled to nothing, nor am I. We are created beings. We have only what we have been given.

Thankfully, we have a good and loving Creator who enjoys giving good gifts to the very ones He created. Praise the Lord, for He is very good! He grants inspiration to the writers, words and speeches to those who speak, and images to the artist. I promise you this, whatever you lack - seek His face for it! You will not be disappointed. At times, you will not receive what you want, but you will always receive what you need!

Sometimes it's easy to acknowledge the need to wait, but other times it feels torturous! But we spend a lot of our time waiting in life. We wait for winter to end, we wait for our paychecks to arrive, we wait for the child to walk, we wait for the right opportunity for a job to come along, for our degree to be finished, for our upcoming vacation, to meet the love of our life, for individuals to be free, and then we wait some more. It seems at least a part of the very definition of humanity is to wait. Some do it better than others of course but like it or not, we wait.

Let us not wait in vain, but let us wait and trust in the Giver of all good gifts. And while you are waiting, you may be surprised by what you receive! After all, I just finished post number two while waiting for inspiration! :)

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!

- Psalm 31:24 (ESV)

I am thy Lord's Servant, thus I will write

This blog represents so many more things than any reader could possibly understand. It represents:
A new beginning,
A journey of faith,
A work to seek purpose,
An act of trust that the Lord will inspire,
A creative outlet,
the end product of a conversation with a friend,
and probably more.

I am so nervous. I know my tendencies to begin and end before it is completed. I have hopes that this blog and this fresh new attempt will be different. If you are reading, I cannot promise everything posted will be amazing! I am journeying towards expanding my creativity and writing. Nevertheless, I trust that through this blog - the Lord will inspire and equip us all forward.

As I begin, I trust and pray that the Lord would be glorified! I am also excited to have an outlet to share with those who desire to read my free verse poetry, random inspirations, and more.

Oh, Lord, I am trusting you!!!!