Rest

When I'm near you, nothing else matters.

It doesn't matter that my blog only has 4 readers.

Nope, it just doesn't.

When I'm near you, my soul finds the true rest that it constantly seeks.

Your love, Your gentle touch, and Your acceptance.

I remember briefly the times when I used to spend hours at your feet

and it was never enough.

Now a few minutes feels like forever and I grow restless.

How things have changed. I am sorry, but you just love me.

You don't ask me to be anything I'm not.

You ask me to bring everything that I am.

The offering is small but I remember the loaves and the fish.

I remember that you can grow a small offering.

So I offer you my heart. It is a small gift, but I pray you would make it grow.

Quit trying

I have spent as long as I can remember TRYING to achieve. I'm about ready to throw that concept out the window and simply start living. Maybe I don't care that I won't be able to keep up with the Jones. So what if everyone I meet is farther along than me....I can't keep up and I'm tired of trying.

What's the point of trying to get somewhere if I can't enjoy any of the ride? Seems a bit futile. I'm about ready to CRAWL out of my skin right now. I feel as if I'm going crazy. I have so many dreams and aspirations that I cannot complete. I am lonelier than ever and running at an inhuman speed...for WHAT?!

I have already been promised eternity by my Savior and Redeemer. Maybe I should start knowing Him. I want heaven to be about truly coming home....I don't want to feel like an outsider.

I used to sit at His feet but then I started getting busy with life. Suddenly life became my focus and I no longer spent any time getting warmed by the fire. My biggest concern is I no longer remember how to quiet my mind, heart, and emotions long enough to get the flame burning. It's cold out here, Jesus please light the fire.

Something you did not know about me! :)

Meet Virginia by Train. I cannot begin to explain my love of this song with you. When I think of Virginia, I think of a woman who so desperately believes she knows what it is she desires but as soon she can grip it, she screams out refuting this very desire. I know this dichotomy well. I have long believed in so many of my own desires but the minute it gets a bit challenging - all I want to do is scream out! "I don't want this! Stop, I do NOT want this!!!! "

Passion! A life lived with perhaps misunderstood passion. The minute I begin to feel melancholy, my heart sings this song and this one particular lyric - "I don't really want to live this life." Not in a depressed fashion..just a frustration factor.

I also really love this song because she is painted so....real. She appears real and is loved within all of her realities - the good and bad. We all should be so lucky to be loved like the singer expresses love for Virginia.

I also think we should all be so brave as to share with the world who we really are. We are all a mixture of beauty and brokenness. I also so desire to share that perfect combo of others with the world. I haven't met a person I really dislike. There are times I dislike how a person gets under my skin and my emotions related to then. But people are so beautiful when they allow you to unfold who they really are. All of the brokenness is simply waiting for the beautiful redemption.

So let's be REAL people. Reality is always always always better than a false perfection.

Jesus loves us in our brokenness. As we lend our hearts to our Redeemer, He brings out the beauty from beneath the ashes of all of our pain, sin, and broken imperfections.