To Dance

I'm AWAKE. So I've decided to do the very poor idea of taking my tired self to a blog. It's self-serving really. I'm exhausted but very awake. Sometimes I can sleep after I write.

I have a LOT on my mind. I'm so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. I feel that I'm maturing, partly because of these folks. I also feel like I'm stuck forever in immaturity. But that's the impatience speaking and my continued immaturity. Part of my maturing is due to time and God's hand.


I wish life were a dance. First of all, it would be a swing dance. I would pick my partner...Jesus. He would lead the dance and I would yield to his direction. It would be a thing of beauty. He would nudge me backward, then foreword, and I would get lost in following His direction. I would become beautiful by His leading and guidance. People would mistakingly believe I was an excellent dancer because they'd fail to recognize the gentle leading of the perfect one. He would be the best leader and even my most pitiful yielding would be incredible.

Maybe...life is a dance. I often fail to pick the right partner. I pursue entertainment, guys, prestige, money, and more often than not SELF. I must think I like to dance alone. It is never pleasant when it's just me and no one ever thinks I'm beautiful. I just end up looking like a mess and falling flat on my face.

That is until, He steps in. As soon as His feet hit the floor, everything changes. He reaches down, offers His hand, and we begin to dance.

You cannot win

This race has never been, nor will it ever be, about finishing first. There is already a winner. Christ is the Victor. He is the true beginning. He created, ran, and finished the race. So you can stop competing with your neighbor now.

There is a lot of truth to you living up to the individual God himself created you to be. He knit you together and He knows what He has for you. Doing anything else...is simply a waste of time. Spending time looking to others for what they have done can help bring vision to your own life but it certainly cannot set the bar. Any bar you set for yourself is not enough because your creativity and inspiration pales in comparison to His. Any bar you attempt to meet that someone else has set will fail because it was never your bar to meet. You may succeed or fail at the task but you have already failed because you gave up your own race.

Martyrs prove to me that succeeding may look like failure to the crowd.
Folks with developmental disabilities prove to me that value is far deeper than we can comprehend.
Families prove to me that both comedy and tragedy are a part of life.
Hospital patients prove to me that there will always be unanswered questions.
Artists of all kinds remind me of the beauty of life.

Go, take your place in your race....make it beautiful! Oh..and run with purpose. No matter what you do, run for Him.

Waiting

I am such a fickle little human being. One minute I could be jumping around excited about my BRAND NEW BED SHEETS. They are beautiful. I haven't purchased a new bed sheet set since the beginning of college. That's about 8 years. I'd say it's ABOUT time.

But the next, I can sit here despondent. That's right a person who has lost hope. Seeing as this is a public blog, I will not fill you in with the details. The reality is, I will come out of this feeling. I can predict it will happen relatively quickly in a day or two. But still, it's painful and I would like it to go away right now.

I long for the joyous feelings of worshiping my Lord and reflecting on who He is. So, I sought the quick fix. I prayed with my roommate, picked up the Bible and read several pages, read a devotional book, and waited. Nothing. To quote Derek Webb, "I don't want the Father, I want a vending machine". Comfort and Peace please, and make it speedy. I will pay the required price, slaughter the calf, make my sacrifice by doing the expected outward actions, but I expect my request to fall neatly into my hands.

But the God I serve is not a genie or a vending machine. He is living and desires a relationship with His people. No joke, I opened up the Bible and pretty clearly heard God comment on the length of time since I had last opened it. Unfortunately, it's been awhile since I opened His word for the purpose of meditating and hearing from Him.

So here I sit. Because He chose not to give comfort at this moment. Because instead, He wants my heart, my trust, and my all. Because of His love, He will not settle for my half-hearted attempts at winning His relief of my pain. No, instead He calls me to seek after the Giver and not the gift. For in the absence of the gift, I begin to seek out Him. For He is comfort. His wisdom is amazing to me. How can I not throw away all of my foolish attempts at salving my own wounds? He IS the balm of Gilead.

So in this moment I turn my attention to my God: My Savior, My Comfort, the very lover of my soul. I repent of my foolish attempts at the quick answers and embrace my God. Sleep will come quickly now, as I rest and wait upon Him.

I share this with you, so that you will know the joy of turning your attention to the God who IS everything that you seek.

Take me there

I want to take a dive and push forward deep into the depths of what it is I catch a glimpse of at this very moment. Deep shall I go into the pool of the wonder caused astir in your eyes. I want to understand what it is that beckons you out of the daily humdrum of your existence into the stirring of your heart. What is it that awakens your soul so? What is it that causes you to stop what you are doing and S T A R E. What is that excitement that boils up from the depths of your soul out to your verbal expression and even to the point of pure untarnished laughter?

I beg of you, take me there with you. I want to see the world as you see it for that brief moment. If you cannot explain it, then just point it out to me so I can glance with you in the same direction. Let's walk together, if only for a moment, in shared wonder.

For these experiences are born out of a child-like heart. It is the joy of experiencing and appreciating a simple thing without needing an explanation that can awaken all of us.