My coloring book

Photo taken from: http://www.art-is-fun.com/free-abstract-coloring-page.html

Life without emotion would be like having a coloring book without any color.  It would seem simply boring, mundane, and overall unbearable.  Yes, any good coloring book has some great designs and perhaps some beautiful images, but color must be added.

As I allow emotions to color my world, I find life to be filled to the brim with excitement, last minute deadlines, frustration, happiness, sadness, and everything in between.  For most of my life, I have colored my life as the equivalent of a toddler with a book.  No matter what the lines said around me, I was intent on scribbling green all over one page and red all over another until a feeling faded and I went onto the next one.

It made for a life filled with color but not always the easiest to manage.  Sometimes I would get stuck on one color, despite having a whole array of colors to use.  That being said, I am learning!

I am learning that while emotions are fun and definitely add splashes to life - they do not define life.  The challenging emotions or even downright awful emotions that come at times help me become aware of my thoughts and feelings on a situation but the emotions do not get to do all the choosing of how I will act or continue feeling.  Why in the world would I just grab at the first crayon that jumps out of a box to use, when there are so many choices?  As an artist and daughter of the most High God who has an ability to think, navigate, and create, shouldn't I choose which colors to use?  Shouldn't I decide where, how, and for what purpose to use them? Absolutely, which is why an emotion that arises does not simply get to rule the moment, instead it must be considered, tested, and controlled.  Trouble is, I'm not sure where the colors belong all the time.  Other times, I'm longing to use a pretty pink crayon but find only broken up blue crayons in my box.  The good Lord helps me find the appropriate crayon or teaches me which one to use and together this disorderly scene turns into absolute beauty.  I still don't always color in the lines but I also don't color strictly sporadically, instead I live a life that has purpose, meaning, and order.  Or at least, that's what I intend.

Together, the Lord and I are making this little life beautiful one page at a time.  As for the pages I've screwed up, mysteriously His beauty and grace makes even those pages look great.  One day this book will be complete and what will be definitive will not be the strayed lines or the pages full of scribbles - but instead the story of His grace will be whispered across each page.  I am an artist, but He is the master artist, and His story will be told.

Trust or Terror

Life has been feeling an awful lot like a test of balance.  I look down and find myself walking on this super tall high wire with nothing but death-defying space between the ground and myself.  The only thing between sudden death and me is a very thin wire.   As long as I maintain proper alignment, doing the exact right things, it will be okay, or so I hope.

Photo Credit: http://www.thebettermom.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/tight_rope_walker_530w13.jpg

People treat life in this way quite a bit.   We act as if we can just figure out the proper life algebraic equation, then we can achieve the results we want. While  y=mx + b and can define the slope of a line, we are desperate to figure out the equation that can help us achieve the particular life outcome we are seeking. 

Photo Credit: http://mathforum.org/cgraph/cslope/pictures/intercept/blueslopeonethird.gif

As if our lives could truly be graphed, predicted, or controlled!  Life is a whole lot messier than that!  It is actually far more beautiful.  If there is one thing we can learn from our friend Frodo Baggins, it is that the adventure of life is far from a tightrope of clinging to the right steps.  It is characterized by a willingness to both begin and continue the journey.  Once a journey is begun, friends come along, and together choices are made with resulting outcomes.  But not every choice can be defined as the right choice.  No, it is the willingness to journey forward that is important.  Sometimes there are miraculous rescues, terrible losses, and anecdotal fun that become characteristic of such journeys. 

Photo Credit: http://meonthemovie.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-lord-of-rings-fellowship-of-ring.html

So, I too journey forward.  This week, I put notice at work.  Curative will no longer have this employee effective January 3^rd.  And, for at least a short while, I will no longer have a regular paycheck.  Who is my provider?  The Lord on High.  But it sure was nice seeing Curative’s name in my bank account every other week for the past 5 years.

Each day is a decision.  Will I trust the Lord today, or will I live in terror and fear?  My enemy takes every opportunity to threaten me with death and despair and he has plenty of material for accusation.  Sometimes the choice between trust or terror is made multiple times a day.  Some days are better than others.  But God is always on the throne and He is always willing to meet me even in my messiest moments.

http://www.steamboatsmyhome.com/blog/mud-season-in-steamboat-springs-co/

And so this is the lesson He teaches me:  His love, providence, and care are not dependent on the steps I take on my imaginary tightrope.  There is no tightrope for the people of God.  The God of Moses, Jacob, Daniel, David, Mary, Peter, Paul, Martha and all the rest saw His name glorified and His purposes revealed through the mistakes and successes of His people.  The God of Stacey is that very same God.  You see, it is not about the person that trusts God, but it is actually about The God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, who people have found trustworthy for centuries.  This God who has revealed his grace towards us time and time again.

I love Him, more than words could say.  I’m so glad He rescued me from the tightrope of a works-based lifestyle.  I’m thankful for the kingdom of grace that allows for the beautiful adventure He has given me and I’m amazed at His story of grace that has characterized my own life and the lives of so many around me.  I am where I am today because of Him and tomorrow will be the same.  Though situations may declare that I have failed and faltered – it pales in comparison to His ever-present Goodness and Grace.  The question is not – have I failed God today?  But rather, God – where are you leading today?   I seek to follow Him, knowing that through the trail may not always be simple or easy, I will never be left alone.  Mistakes will be made, but better than a fancy gps phone that can find a new route – He always has a way for the journey to continue even if it means fording a river.  The fallen trees along the road often bring me nearer to Him, and that is far better than “getting it right”.

Photo Credit: Stacey Beckman

Do not allow despair to overwhelm or overtake you.  Choose in this moment to trust, and if you have to, in the next moment again.  Allow the King who gives peace in all circumstances to guide and protect you.  May you have grace on your journey and may His Kingdom come.

For further reading:

Philippians 4

Psalm 91

Psalm 34

John 10

 

Alone with Jesus…a take on the adulterous woman with Him

The Great Teacher, the God-Man, Divine, yet Present, He has healed many, but He won’t on this day.  He had readied Himself to teach, but now they bring me before Him.  Pointing fingers, raising up voices of condemnation, threats against me for what I have done.   They see me worthy of death, but today on this day, they stay their hands.  They want this great Jesus to sound the alarm of my execution.

For What I’ve Done. 

I have no defense.  Even if I did, there is no one who would stand with me.  I am caught, alone, ashamed, and very much afraid.  All I can do is wait for this Man to agree with these teachers and condemn me.  My life has been a half-life, unworthy, a life lived against the law of God, and I am unclean.  I know it, I can feel it within. 

As I stand without hope, this Holy one, yes I’ve heard of Him.  He speaks with authority.  He begins to write in the sand.  And, then he speaks, I cringe.  Suddenly, I watch as my accusers lower their heads and walk away.  One by one, my accusers have left and I…am…still…alive.  As I begin to attempt to replay in my mind what words he spoke to the crowd, he addresses me directly.  He pronounces no condemnation over me, advises me to leave my life of sin.  I look into His eyes, all I can see is love.  I see a resolve within Him that I cannot understand.   How can He, a man who teaches above the law, withhold condemnation?

So here I am, alone.  My accusers have left, the only one apparently worthy to accuse me, has chosen another way.  He withheld condemnation, stayed my execution.  He has given me a new chance at life, and now I have a choice. 

Will I choose to live a full life, a good life or will I give into the voice of my accusers and stay in who I’ve believed myself to be, a sinner without hope?

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It’s been some time, but there He is again, this Jesus.  Except now the crowds are accusing Him.  He’s lifted up and just gave His last breath.  The world now holds theirs. 

3 days have passed.  This Jesus is ALIVE.  I understand. He died in my place.  For Me.  Oh to live a life worthy of the gift He’s given. 

Free.  Not onto myself, but onto Christ.  Silence the voice of my accusers, and the voice from within, I will follow the life that He lived.  I will follow Jesus.  He gave His life, I will live accordingly.   

For further reading:

John 7:53-8:11

Phil. 1:27

Reflections on Jesus: Joining Him on the water

Jesus and Peter on the Water

It's all there, right in Matthew 14:22-33.  Oh, impetuous Peter. He sees Jesus walking on water and asks to join Him.  Jesus invites him out, and he begins to walk...on water!  The commonness of the story begins to steal away from the miraculous. But if you've ever been in water, it is anything but solid, and I don't know about you, but I have yet to walk on it.

Jesus could have swam to meet the disciples in the boat.  This would have been a feat of strength, but not a miracle.  Instead, he chose to walk.  I like to imagine Him taking an easy stroll to the boat where the disciples were.  Peter's steps on the other hand became less confident when wind threatened to pull him under.  From an outsider's perspective, the question arises -what does the wind have to do with it?  Jesus invited Him and He has full control, surely the wind was no surprise to Jesus.  Surely, Peter didn't think it was his own power that was allowing him to walk on water!  

Photo Credit: godbricks.blogspot.com/2012/08/more-water-walking.html

But even after Peter began doubting and sinking, he knew who to cry out to.  He called to Jesus, who pulled him back up and together the two men walked back to the boat.  Jesus did not grab Peter and throw him in the boat as if there was any danger, no, he grabbed onto Peter, strengthening Him and the two walked back to the boat together.  I'm not sure of the distance, but certainly they had to take a step or two to get back into the boat.  Peter's faltering and fear of the storm did not change Jesus' willingness for Peter to walk.  While Peter's fear may have hampered his enjoyment of the miracle in process, it served to only magnify the One who Peter had but to utter a word to for help.  

We share a similar Journey

On my current journey, I feel an awful like Peter.  I see the miraculous that God has invited me to.  I have even stepped out of the boat.  The first steps have been exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I have an overwhelming sense that I'm walking into situations that if I start doubting, I could easily sink!  Not a happy thought.  Until I consider this altogether important detail - I have not left the boat alone.  I am walking by the grace and strength of my God and King.  Why should the storms of life or questions cause me to stumble?  It is by His grace that I am here in this moment, and tomorrow's moment will also be in His grace.  Come what may, I follow He who has gone before me, is always with me, and has promised to be there tomorrow.  His will shall be done and His love is a secured promise, but it is the intimacy of trust and deepening of relationship that comes from this walk which is the prize I seek.  

So, where are you on your journey in this season?  Are you enjoying the adventurous water walk with Jesus?  Are you walking on the water but slowly sinking because situations arise that tell you Jesus is untrustworthy or that you can't do what He's asked?  Are you sinking and afraid to cry out for help?  Have you gotten out of the boat?  

He asks different things from each of us, but the invitation is always the same - an invitation to the great adventure of following Him out where are feet can no longer touch solid ground.  Is there risk?  Always.  Will storms arise?  Most likely.  Whether we are sinking or standing secure on water - will He be with us?  Without a doubt.  Is there anything more exciting than following Him out of the boat?  Not a chance.  

I don't know about you, but now that I've left the boat - I couldn't imagine turning back.

Grace to you on your journey.  

Mixing in the Fruit

I love fruit on the bottom yogurt.  It’s tasty and delicious.  It is particularly enjoyable when some of the fruit foundation mixes in with the plain yogurt on top.  That does not happen without my spoon mixing it up, so there’s some movement involved but very little.  When I was younger, I enjoyed eating the yogurt independently, and then moving onto the fruit.  The yogurt tended to be bitter, but the fruit payoff was satisfying to me. 

Sometimes believers tend to treat God the same way I treated yogurt.  They live out their daily activities fairly independently from God, but always return to their foundation and seek Him.  It is a way of separating the secular from the sacred, or the holy from the day to day living. 

It is one way to choose to live.  But the far better way is when the fruit mixes in with the yogurt.  At that point, the fruit  alters the taste of the bitter yogurt making the whole cup of yogurt an enjoyable and tasty experience.  When we allow the Spirit of God to walk with us throughout the day – speaking love to our hearts and helping us navigate our day to day, even minute to minute interactions – the whole of our lives changes into life that is completely saturated with the Goodness of the Lord.  He does the beautiful work, but we do have to choose to allow Him to do it.  

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. - Psalm 34:8

Shining like Stars

One of my favorite aspects of life in Southern Wisconsin is the beautiful scenic drives between towns.  There is nothing better to turn my frown into a smile than a drive through the countryside.  Typically, I enjoy doing this in the daylight when unending farmland, farm and wildlife, rivers, ponds, and trees are in view.  Recently, as I drove from Fort Atkinson to Janesville late in the evening, I had the joy of driving with only my headlights and the light shining down from the multitudes of stars above.

As a city girl of late, it is rare to see stars due to the artificial light that drowns it all out.  However, out here, the stars are free to shine their beauty for all to see.  I couldn't help but think of the students that God has given me the joy to work with and my recent prayer for them which can be found in Philippians.

'Do everything without grumbling or arguing,  so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky  as you hold firmly to the word of life.' - Philippians 2:14-16

I am so excited to come along God's children as they pursue higher education and to equip and encourage them so that they are filled to the brim with the love of God and equipped to let their light shine before their fellow students, professors, and co-workers, thus impacting the world with more of His beautiful light and the Kingdom, Jesus died to bring about.

There is something incredibly beautiful about viewing the lights from the stars.  While the sun allows all of us to dwell in the day which is fantastic, the stars shine bright offering beauty and hope amidst sometimes overwhelming darkness.   The love from a follower of Jesus can point the way for others to seek Him out wherever they are currently standing.

May we all, wherever we stand, shine brightly like the stars above.

Dawn always comes

Dear Child of the Living God:

As a human, we are all too familiar with the dark nights of the soul.  When all seems so dark due to pain, illness, fear of the unknown, or any other plaguing pain and not a friend's comforting word or anything else will do.  Please let me encourage you to do but one thing:

Seek the companionship of your Heavenly Father whose love for you never will fail.  He will meet you in the darkest of places.  Though you fear to take a step - call on Him for He has promised to never leave you.  Do not rely on the distractions of technology, people, or even your vivid thought life to numb your mind from the pain.  Mind numbing is not the solution but only serves to lengthen the darkness.  Though it may feel like death to sit in the darkness - do that and call out to the One who knows you inside and out.  It is in those dark places that He will bring a comfort and a peace that can steady your heart and renew your strength.  He has promised to never leave you and He keeps His word.  Allow Him to shed His Light in the darkness.  You will soon rise and meet the day.      

~Written as one who has fallen along the darkened road and risen yet again time after time for He who has promised is Faithful.

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  - Psalm 23 v 4