Identity

What will you do when the way you identify yourself no longer defines you?

Are you defined by your career?  Have you spent the last 20 years becoming a top executive?

Are you defined by your role?  Are you mother, father, or favored child?

Perhaps you are defined by your citizenship.  Proud German.

But what happens when that definition no longer fits?

For 10 plus years, I saw myself in light of the drams I had for myself to serve in ministry and every step I took to do that or attempt it.  Every mistake I had made could be forgiven in the light of what I would one day do for God.  It went well enough, I suppose until the dream unraveled.  

And, unravel it certainly did.  

I scrambled and sought to find a new dream.  New dreams are really not that easy to come by.  So, less than 6 months later and my new dream has proven lack luster.

Who will I be now?  What can I do for God?  What worth can I bring to the table?  

Void. Empty.  Meaningless.

That is the substance of what I have long searched for.  

The mercy of God is that it happened now.  If I had achieved the dream, it would still have been void but I may not have realized it.  This fact is downright frightening.  How often do we lie to ourselves?  The bible says that our heart is deceitful above all things, I have lived that truth.  

I wish I could say that I am now spending my days solid in the understanding that my identity is in the FINISHED work of Jesus.  The truth is, I still don’t.  I seek to build an identity that I can point to and say, “I achieved that.”  Because of the struggle, I believe I won’t achieve anything until Jesus roots my identity in Him.  How I long to have the heart that says - “Oh that? Yes, I did that but it was only the grace of God that I got up that morning.  It’s for His glory alone, not mine.  Let me tell you what He did for me and what He’s offering to you.”  

Until then, I chase the wind.