To Dance

I'm AWAKE. So I've decided to do the very poor idea of taking my tired self to a blog. It's self-serving really. I'm exhausted but very awake. Sometimes I can sleep after I write.

I have a LOT on my mind. I'm so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. I feel that I'm maturing, partly because of these folks. I also feel like I'm stuck forever in immaturity. But that's the impatience speaking and my continued immaturity. Part of my maturing is due to time and God's hand.


I wish life were a dance. First of all, it would be a swing dance. I would pick my partner...Jesus. He would lead the dance and I would yield to his direction. It would be a thing of beauty. He would nudge me backward, then foreword, and I would get lost in following His direction. I would become beautiful by His leading and guidance. People would mistakingly believe I was an excellent dancer because they'd fail to recognize the gentle leading of the perfect one. He would be the best leader and even my most pitiful yielding would be incredible.

Maybe...life is a dance. I often fail to pick the right partner. I pursue entertainment, guys, prestige, money, and more often than not SELF. I must think I like to dance alone. It is never pleasant when it's just me and no one ever thinks I'm beautiful. I just end up looking like a mess and falling flat on my face.

That is until, He steps in. As soon as His feet hit the floor, everything changes. He reaches down, offers His hand, and we begin to dance.

You cannot win

This race has never been, nor will it ever be, about finishing first. There is already a winner. Christ is the Victor. He is the true beginning. He created, ran, and finished the race. So you can stop competing with your neighbor now.

There is a lot of truth to you living up to the individual God himself created you to be. He knit you together and He knows what He has for you. Doing anything else...is simply a waste of time. Spending time looking to others for what they have done can help bring vision to your own life but it certainly cannot set the bar. Any bar you set for yourself is not enough because your creativity and inspiration pales in comparison to His. Any bar you attempt to meet that someone else has set will fail because it was never your bar to meet. You may succeed or fail at the task but you have already failed because you gave up your own race.

Martyrs prove to me that succeeding may look like failure to the crowd.
Folks with developmental disabilities prove to me that value is far deeper than we can comprehend.
Families prove to me that both comedy and tragedy are a part of life.
Hospital patients prove to me that there will always be unanswered questions.
Artists of all kinds remind me of the beauty of life.

Go, take your place in your race....make it beautiful! Oh..and run with purpose. No matter what you do, run for Him.

Waiting

I am such a fickle little human being. One minute I could be jumping around excited about my BRAND NEW BED SHEETS. They are beautiful. I haven't purchased a new bed sheet set since the beginning of college. That's about 8 years. I'd say it's ABOUT time.

But the next, I can sit here despondent. That's right a person who has lost hope. Seeing as this is a public blog, I will not fill you in with the details. The reality is, I will come out of this feeling. I can predict it will happen relatively quickly in a day or two. But still, it's painful and I would like it to go away right now.

I long for the joyous feelings of worshiping my Lord and reflecting on who He is. So, I sought the quick fix. I prayed with my roommate, picked up the Bible and read several pages, read a devotional book, and waited. Nothing. To quote Derek Webb, "I don't want the Father, I want a vending machine". Comfort and Peace please, and make it speedy. I will pay the required price, slaughter the calf, make my sacrifice by doing the expected outward actions, but I expect my request to fall neatly into my hands.

But the God I serve is not a genie or a vending machine. He is living and desires a relationship with His people. No joke, I opened up the Bible and pretty clearly heard God comment on the length of time since I had last opened it. Unfortunately, it's been awhile since I opened His word for the purpose of meditating and hearing from Him.

So here I sit. Because He chose not to give comfort at this moment. Because instead, He wants my heart, my trust, and my all. Because of His love, He will not settle for my half-hearted attempts at winning His relief of my pain. No, instead He calls me to seek after the Giver and not the gift. For in the absence of the gift, I begin to seek out Him. For He is comfort. His wisdom is amazing to me. How can I not throw away all of my foolish attempts at salving my own wounds? He IS the balm of Gilead.

So in this moment I turn my attention to my God: My Savior, My Comfort, the very lover of my soul. I repent of my foolish attempts at the quick answers and embrace my God. Sleep will come quickly now, as I rest and wait upon Him.

I share this with you, so that you will know the joy of turning your attention to the God who IS everything that you seek.

Take me there

I want to take a dive and push forward deep into the depths of what it is I catch a glimpse of at this very moment. Deep shall I go into the pool of the wonder caused astir in your eyes. I want to understand what it is that beckons you out of the daily humdrum of your existence into the stirring of your heart. What is it that awakens your soul so? What is it that causes you to stop what you are doing and S T A R E. What is that excitement that boils up from the depths of your soul out to your verbal expression and even to the point of pure untarnished laughter?

I beg of you, take me there with you. I want to see the world as you see it for that brief moment. If you cannot explain it, then just point it out to me so I can glance with you in the same direction. Let's walk together, if only for a moment, in shared wonder.

For these experiences are born out of a child-like heart. It is the joy of experiencing and appreciating a simple thing without needing an explanation that can awaken all of us.

We are loved!!!!!

I started reading a story this evening. A story told by Ted Dekker. This reading, it seems, is all it took to shake me out of the reality of every day life. This single hour reading a story, led me to open my eyes to the story all around me. The beautiful and powerful tale of love and redemption that we are indeed living in at this very hour.

For when I am broken of the realities of daily life: work, sleep, relationships, distracting and tempting technology, pressures, everyday annoyances, and unusual struggles - I am left with an overwhelming thought:

We are profoundly loved by God. Truly deeply loved.

One of the most beauitful understandings of this is found in the father heart of God where we are called His children. Yes, in a world where we are forced to grow up and fend for ourselves, we are stll called into the reality of knowing and walking with our Heavenly father. For He will always be able to guard, love, and protect us. He provides, He comforts, He disciplines, He promises us that He has a good future for us. He calls us His own even when we are completely unloveable. We turn away, and as seen so vividly in the story of the prodical son, He eagerly awaits for our hearts to turn back to His and then He RUNS towards us in a beautiful embrace.

How foolish it is to picture an old man running towards the son who demanded his inheritance, squandered it away, and then dares to return. But true love is not afraid to appear foolish.

This of course can be seen in the love of the Son towards us. The father knowing humanity could not come back on their own, sent His son to Die a gruesome horrible death, appearing foolish on that cross. He suffered the turning away from his nearest friends, scoffers, a crown of thorns, severe beating, nakedness, and the slow, agony of being suspended while your lungs collapse. That, being bad enough wasn't even all that he suffered. For the Son, who walked in perfect relationship with the Father, took on the sins of ALL humanity and suffered the Wrath and Judgment of God in those hours. No, I cannot explain it but it is true without a doubt that on that day the Son bore my sin and yours. The penalty and just punishment that was earned and deserved by a corrupt race was satisfied in full by Christ's single act. Foolish? Absolutely. We didn't deserve his sacrifice for us. And make no mistake about it, without Christ we were on our way to be separated forever from the love of the Father and worthy only of God's wrath.

But Christ, knowing the inadequacies of humanity left earth and made way for the Holy Spirit to come. Talk about the ultimate tag-team marathon. The Father loves, The Son Saves, and the Spirit Dwells. For the Son did not abandon us. He showed us God in human form but who came after but the Spirit of God. The Son came in weakness, The spirit comes in Power. The Spirit is here to do the very work of God in convicting, comforting, teaching, reminding, and makes the everyday ordinary into extraordinary moments of God's glory. To know the Spirit is to understand the kind of love that dwells with the beloved. To know the Spirit is to know for a fact that we are not abandoned or forgotten but dearly and beloved children. To know the spirit is to be given the power to do all the works we've been commanded to do. Because we are not people that can do good works a part from the power of the Holy Spirit. So, in that God gives us the power to not only receive but act in this great love of His to share with others in a whole myriad of ways.


Thus, this one God in 3 distinct persons, which we call the Trinity loves each and every one of us in a fullness that are hearts and spirits long for. And this love is perfectly within our grasp.

How amazing. Now of course, the next cool thing is that as we are loved and called into this amazing family of God's. We are taught to live as Beloved Sons and Daughters of the Most High God. God then invites us to the family business! The family business is not easy to define because it is as vast and varied as are His people. I'm not going to try to define it here. Rather, I'll let the Spirit reveal to your Heart how You can take part in the family business. But this family business isn't one of pure expectation, for there is joy in serving and being a part of the family. As with any family, there comes great freedoms, benefits, AND responsibility. When in doubt, you can always look to the great example of our Big Brother, who also happens to be Lord, King, and Savior. Jesus taught us how to live. In this life, so much of following after Christ will be laying down our pride, and dreams and walking in the way of the cross. But every time we accept the death of these things we hold so dear, God brings new life and fullness. Don't let that statement fool you, the death of some of these things will undoubtedly feel as if there is someone ripping out your heart. But in these moments, we can trust that our Father has good things for us and has a reason and a purpose for bringing us through the harder things of life.

Someday, we will be invited to walk in sight and not faith. For now, we are called to this great adventure. But each adventurous step leads us to an even deeper understanding of the love of God. The vast, unmeasurable, unsearchable, love of God.

And that my friends, is only a speck of insight into the love of God. May we all seek to understand more, and as you do, I know you will walk in the fullness of one alive to the Spirit.

Faith to Believe

Three times I heard this chorus by Laura Story today -

"We pray for wisdom,Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe"

It was the third time that I was stopped.
"Faith to believe"

Believe what you may ask? That everything will work out marvelously? That you will be the one person who is spared from the tragedies that fall upon humanity. Yes, you will have the miraculous healing, the son given back to you, poverty stalled, joy abounding. Does God work in the way? Absolutely. But not always. Jesus didn't heal every lepor and blind man. He didn't bring back every widow's son. He healed some. His goal wasn't neccesarily to give people what they wanted. He glorified God. A miracle in the right moment brings glory to God. A "miracle" that becomes a daily occurence is a circus side show.

I know that God works miracles. I've seen it in my own life and many of my friends. But ultimately we need to have faith to believe that God is who He says He is. God will work things out for good. We can trust and rest in Him no matter the outcome of our current circumstances. Faith in God brings a hope that will never disappoint but instead a hope that quickens and grows with each passing day until the day our faith becomes sight.

In Proper Order

I find peace at the lake.
Whenever I can, I steal a few moments to hop out onto a big rock.
It is there I can finally see clearly.
For no matter what kind of day I've had,
there, the world lies in proper order.

Tiny waves journey forward creating their own perfect pathways.
The sun slowly begins to set creating a beautiful masterpiece.
Tiny boats sail across the crisp blue waves.
Hungry seagulls seek and dive to fetch their dinner;
moments later they soar across the skies again.

People of all shapes and sizes connect along the pathway:
chatting, biking, running, laughing, walking, and holding hands.
Children invent new games, finding adventure along the beach.
The luckiest of dogs run free, obedient to their master's call.

As I sit upon my rock, I am surprised to find
that I too am now in proper order.

Reflecting and Resting in my Creator.