His love speaks volumes.

An old professor of mine gave me a high compliment over the weekend. He told me that when he knew me as a student he thought of me as an individual that knew God by name. I've been thinking about this ever since he said it to me, mostly because I so desire this to be true in my life. I long to be a person who knows my Lord and shares him with others. Part of my blog mission is to share the heart of God with you, my beautiful and awesome readers, as He shares it with me.

Tonight, my roommate and I were discussing the importance of reading the bible. I've been recently trying to get back into habit but admittedly it is not as often practiced as it should be. Now, the law would say I should read the Bible because God told me to. Grace shows me that I want to read the bible because it helps to bring life. God speaks to me through His word. It is a fairly regular occurrence to read a portion of scripture and feel as if it had "come alive" in my reading. I could have read that same passage 100 times before but in the most recent reading, the Holy Spirit will quicken my hearts understanding and I will newly engage that particular portion of scripture.

The bible also helps me recognize the voice of my Father. Jesus indicated in scripture that his sheep know his voice. Naturally, we are the sheep, but how can we learn his voice? Our thoughts are filled constantly with many things including our own thoughts, words that others have spoken to us, whispers from the enemy, garbage of our day (ie. commercials, etc), negative thought patterns that we've come to accept, and of course words from God. The previous sentence is not a complete list but our thought life is filled and how are we to know where all these thoughts come from. How can we discern the voice of the Spirit speaking truth into our hearts versus the voice of our enemy lying to us. There are many ways to develop an open heart to the words of our God, but one proven way is to mediate on scripture and learn the love God has for you through His word.

Names are an intimate thing, for a person to know one's name is to know something about that person. In biblical times, a name often described something about a person. Hence, why Saul's name changed to Paul in the New Testament. God has revealed His name to us. God has many names as He is infinite. He first revealed Himself as "I am" to Abraham (who also experienced a name change upon meeting the true God). But since within biblical understanding, names represented character - Love describes my God. His love is unlike any others as His love embraces me despite knowing everything about me. His love covers over sin, His love pursues, His love comforts, His love calls, His love is perfect.

I can find rest within His love.

I'm gonna write me a sad, sad song

I'm gonna write me a sad, sad song
This one isn't about hope or what's to come
No this one ain't about all the good there is
Not the beauty, not the quirky, not the downright amusing

No, this one is my sad sad song
You may not understand why this is
After all, I've got a job so that's real good
I've got a home and people in my life, it's true

Still tonight, I'm gonna sing me a sad, sad song
No my health status has not changed. I'm fine.
money's tight but that's the same so no surprise
I'm weary and I'm tired and a little brokenhearted

and for a moment I'm gonna sing my sad sad song
For this moment is as real as any good
this one is as important as the hopeful song
this one tells a part of my story, so it's alright

Someday I'll make sense of what's unclear
maybe I'll understand the bitterness that I see
what's wrong will be made right
and when it is I'll remember this sad sad song

He is still the God who turns mourning into joy
He makes new light into the darkest place
He came and promised to come again so He will
and on that day there will never be another sad sad song

Be thankful!

I've been recognizing in my own heart a quickness to speak or think negative things. I found myself grumbling this morning about the most ridiculous and trivial concerns. Insignificant as my complaints may have been, it set me in a rotten mood very quickly. This is a pattern I've been watching the last week or so in my attempts to seek out true joy. Time and time again, I find myself complaining or grumbling despite the fact that I am a beloved and favored child of the Most High God. My Dad doesn't want me to sit around complaining, after all He has filled my world with lots and lots and LOTS of beautiful things. He deserves my gratitude and honor...not groans and moans! Even when challenges occur, I find that there is so much in the midst to be thankful for.

I am grateful in a way that I am not the first person to find myself complaining. The Israelites, shortly after being rescued from 400 years of slavery began complaining and whining that God had brought them in the desert to die. (see exodus 16:13) Right...like God would go through the big display of the plagues, raising up the wimpy deliver (Moses), parting the red sea; ALL to kill them in the desert. Yep, that makes sense. But it seems that as people we are prone to complain. I cannot be critical of the Israelites because I am guilty of the same sin.

This morning I did a little exercise, Everything I found myself complaining about, I turned into something I was thankful for. When I didn't have something negative, I just began to think of what I was thankful for. It was easy to start as I thought about the people in my life who I hold so dear. But it didn't take me long to realize I needed to be thankful to SOMEONE. After all, the good things in life are not just here by happenstance. All Good things come from the very hand of God. (See James 1:17) So, my random exercise of being thankful turned into an act of praise. Very quickly I found that I can praise Him for literally everything! My sour mood was gone and I became more and more aware of the many good things in my life. I also became free to engage with the world around me. I was incredibly productive and proceeded to have a good day with my family.

There's a song that I love and it describes the amazing thing that happens when we praise God. He shows up! "A thankful heart prepares the way for you my God" (Song: come fall on us, Enter the worship circle, First Circle.) But of course, they were not the first ones to figure this out. The Psalmists proclaimed that God inhabited the praises of Israel. (Psalm 22:3) I can't quite explain it as it's a mystery to me but when we praise God, He moves. He can free you from depression, utilize you to bless another person, or pretty much ANYTHING else He wants to do. Please don't take that last statement as a way to manipulate the hand of God. He will not and cannot be manipulated. But when we are negative and bitter (not the same as brokenhearted), we fail to allow room for the Spirit of God to move.

I'm excited to move into a season of life of gratitude and praise to my God. Tomorrow, the rubber meets the road as I return to work but I'm excited to begin to turn towards my Lord and praise Him for the innumerable good things. It seems to me that we can start at thankfulness, move into praise, and suddenly find ourselves moved to intercede for the needs surrounding us. Makes sense, if we see God for who He really is, we are able to take the needs to Him with a trusting and child-like heart.

Have a happy Tuesday everyone and please join me in being thankful! After all, the very fact that we have air to breathe is a blessing in itself.

To Dance

I'm AWAKE. So I've decided to do the very poor idea of taking my tired self to a blog. It's self-serving really. I'm exhausted but very awake. Sometimes I can sleep after I write.

I have a LOT on my mind. I'm so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. I feel that I'm maturing, partly because of these folks. I also feel like I'm stuck forever in immaturity. But that's the impatience speaking and my continued immaturity. Part of my maturing is due to time and God's hand.


I wish life were a dance. First of all, it would be a swing dance. I would pick my partner...Jesus. He would lead the dance and I would yield to his direction. It would be a thing of beauty. He would nudge me backward, then foreword, and I would get lost in following His direction. I would become beautiful by His leading and guidance. People would mistakingly believe I was an excellent dancer because they'd fail to recognize the gentle leading of the perfect one. He would be the best leader and even my most pitiful yielding would be incredible.

Maybe...life is a dance. I often fail to pick the right partner. I pursue entertainment, guys, prestige, money, and more often than not SELF. I must think I like to dance alone. It is never pleasant when it's just me and no one ever thinks I'm beautiful. I just end up looking like a mess and falling flat on my face.

That is until, He steps in. As soon as His feet hit the floor, everything changes. He reaches down, offers His hand, and we begin to dance.

You cannot win

This race has never been, nor will it ever be, about finishing first. There is already a winner. Christ is the Victor. He is the true beginning. He created, ran, and finished the race. So you can stop competing with your neighbor now.

There is a lot of truth to you living up to the individual God himself created you to be. He knit you together and He knows what He has for you. Doing anything else...is simply a waste of time. Spending time looking to others for what they have done can help bring vision to your own life but it certainly cannot set the bar. Any bar you set for yourself is not enough because your creativity and inspiration pales in comparison to His. Any bar you attempt to meet that someone else has set will fail because it was never your bar to meet. You may succeed or fail at the task but you have already failed because you gave up your own race.

Martyrs prove to me that succeeding may look like failure to the crowd.
Folks with developmental disabilities prove to me that value is far deeper than we can comprehend.
Families prove to me that both comedy and tragedy are a part of life.
Hospital patients prove to me that there will always be unanswered questions.
Artists of all kinds remind me of the beauty of life.

Go, take your place in your race....make it beautiful! Oh..and run with purpose. No matter what you do, run for Him.

Waiting

I am such a fickle little human being. One minute I could be jumping around excited about my BRAND NEW BED SHEETS. They are beautiful. I haven't purchased a new bed sheet set since the beginning of college. That's about 8 years. I'd say it's ABOUT time.

But the next, I can sit here despondent. That's right a person who has lost hope. Seeing as this is a public blog, I will not fill you in with the details. The reality is, I will come out of this feeling. I can predict it will happen relatively quickly in a day or two. But still, it's painful and I would like it to go away right now.

I long for the joyous feelings of worshiping my Lord and reflecting on who He is. So, I sought the quick fix. I prayed with my roommate, picked up the Bible and read several pages, read a devotional book, and waited. Nothing. To quote Derek Webb, "I don't want the Father, I want a vending machine". Comfort and Peace please, and make it speedy. I will pay the required price, slaughter the calf, make my sacrifice by doing the expected outward actions, but I expect my request to fall neatly into my hands.

But the God I serve is not a genie or a vending machine. He is living and desires a relationship with His people. No joke, I opened up the Bible and pretty clearly heard God comment on the length of time since I had last opened it. Unfortunately, it's been awhile since I opened His word for the purpose of meditating and hearing from Him.

So here I sit. Because He chose not to give comfort at this moment. Because instead, He wants my heart, my trust, and my all. Because of His love, He will not settle for my half-hearted attempts at winning His relief of my pain. No, instead He calls me to seek after the Giver and not the gift. For in the absence of the gift, I begin to seek out Him. For He is comfort. His wisdom is amazing to me. How can I not throw away all of my foolish attempts at salving my own wounds? He IS the balm of Gilead.

So in this moment I turn my attention to my God: My Savior, My Comfort, the very lover of my soul. I repent of my foolish attempts at the quick answers and embrace my God. Sleep will come quickly now, as I rest and wait upon Him.

I share this with you, so that you will know the joy of turning your attention to the God who IS everything that you seek.

Take me there

I want to take a dive and push forward deep into the depths of what it is I catch a glimpse of at this very moment. Deep shall I go into the pool of the wonder caused astir in your eyes. I want to understand what it is that beckons you out of the daily humdrum of your existence into the stirring of your heart. What is it that awakens your soul so? What is it that causes you to stop what you are doing and S T A R E. What is that excitement that boils up from the depths of your soul out to your verbal expression and even to the point of pure untarnished laughter?

I beg of you, take me there with you. I want to see the world as you see it for that brief moment. If you cannot explain it, then just point it out to me so I can glance with you in the same direction. Let's walk together, if only for a moment, in shared wonder.

For these experiences are born out of a child-like heart. It is the joy of experiencing and appreciating a simple thing without needing an explanation that can awaken all of us.