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What are you living for?

Is it to make a buck? If so, how much is enough?
Is it your job? What happens when you don't like your job or your boss is displeased?
Is it in how many friends you have? What's a good amount?
It it in how many people follow you on Twitter or friend you on Facebook? Online world is fickle.
Is it how many ways you helped someone today?
Is it always having the perfect hair style?
Is it building your retirement or getting that big house?

I could go on, but I will spare you. The reality is that when we use finite things to give us our value or identity, we will never be satisfied. Because it will never be enough. We desperately are always looking to be filled.

That is until, we look to Jesus Christ.

It's funny, I am often amazed at the level of dissatisfaction I find in pursing relationships and pleasing everyone around me. It is NEVER enough. NEVER EVER EVER....EVER! I could have 15 people tell me how wonderful I am and how much they love me but ultimately I would long for more. Relationships aren't bad. They are in fact necessary and good. I seek to love others and I am often amazed at the people God has placed in my life who I love and by some amazing grace love me too. This is a great mercy for which I am ever so thankful. But when I look to them for my worth, I am a bottomless empty cup who will drain those around me because of my need for more.

Praise God this post doesn't end there!

For you see, when I look to the Father for my worth, He tells me how much He loves me. I find that I was created by Him. I find that he loved me so much when I was totally depraved and separated from Him, he sent His Son to live a perfect life and die in my place. Then I find that he never abandoned me but gave me the Spirit who counsels and comforts. I am told that I am His beloved. I learn that Christ continues to intercede on behalf of his people and is going to return. I find that I have a great High Priest, Lord, and King who is also my Intimate Friend. I find out that because of Christ, I have inherited every spiritual blessing. I am a Daughter of the Most High God, loved because of the one who loves me, not because of anything I've done. I find that His love is NEVER ENDING and can fill even the deepest depths of my heart. And for once, I am satisfied. There is no need to go searching elsewhere, because the Great Provider has already provided for everything. REST.

But it doesn't end there! Then he tells me, He loves others too! Which is great, because my God has resources that we can't even imagine. Everyone is welcome in the family. God's love does not run empty or dry.

Suddenly I find that I am free to give and receive love from others in a good and proper manner. I am interconnected with people, giving and receiving as suits the day, but dependent on God.

Alright then, let it be so

A Single's Plea:

oh grant that I could find a man whose heart will cherish mine as I honor his,
please may I hold a child of my very own,
you asked for someone to "go", I say "take me Lord"

In the stillness, I know it is you who answers:

"There is time enough for all of that later, right now - you trust in me."

As is always the case, you answer my wanting heart with the answer that satisfies all needs.

Yourself.

Mastering the Patterns

Gotta break out of the pattern
don't know where I learned it
but it follows me
wherever there is text
i follow the pattern
3 points in a sentence
this, that, and that
suddenly I find
I am so trapped by this pattern
it is everywhere.

gotta break out. gotta break out.
is it possible to break free?
maybe I'll only have two points
or seven
who cares!
just no more patterns!

i am finding in drumming that patterns provide basic rhythms.
These basic rhythms are great but what makes them so amazing
is that they leave room for a drummer to break OUT of the pattern
to create beauty or maybe a little bit of funk!
it becomes complexity from the simple
but first, you must learn the basics.

life seems a bit like that too. Traditionally I seek to be set free
f r o m
the p a t t e r n s of life.
I avoid schedules like the plague and routines as if they would hurt as opposed to help
only to realize that
cHAos iS No MOre UsEFul tHAN PATterNS! ! !

It seems to me if my lessons learned from drumming are correct,
we must master the patterns and the rhythms in order to
have the freedom to break out of the order and humdrum when needed
so that our lives too can be filled with beauty and a little bit of that funk!

Reflections

I visited a friend the other day. I wouldn't call her old, though some may. Old is a state of mind and she is active and engaged in her world each and every day. What I would call her is experienced, wise, and rich. Rich in experiences, love, and relationships, that is. She is a woman dearly loved by our Father and it shines about her countenance and noticeable no matter the length of conversation. Anyway, we were talking and I began to realize all the different seasons she has lived. This woman has seen so much, been with such a wide variety of people, and loved even more. Talking with her is always incredible. I pray someday I can have a memory like hers that can recall the places the Lord takes me. Though more than that, I pray that I can be obedient to the spirit of the Lord as He moves me in and out of various seasons.

Speaking with people who have a little more life experience than I do always makes me stop a minute to realize that I worry too much. I am far too concerned about where I am going to be in 5 years as opposed to where I am right now. People who have lived just a few more years than I have proven to me that change is natural and happens. Our lives will take different courses. God never leaves us in one place forever (whether it be literal or figurative) and thus the concern should not be "how do I get myself to the next point" all the time because like it or not we will move through different seasons.

If I live to be a ripe old age, I desire to look back on my life and see that it was well lived: full of love, grace, and the ever merciful hand of God. (Though technically...I never want to have time to look back - I want to live for Him until the very end.) I am convinced to have that sort of outcome in life we need to never be afraid of what is to come or what people think, spend time with our God, and love love love the people God has placed in our lives.

I have a long way to go, but with God helping me, I'll get there and if I don't - His grace is still enough.

Wherever you are right now, I pray that His peace would comfort you and as always thanks for sharing this journey with me.

And then there was a King

In 2 Chronicles 29-32 you can find the story of a young man named Hezekiah. At the age of 25 (younger than me!) he acquired a kingdom. Finding himself reigning king, I wonder how he felt or what he desired. Being a king surely allows one to impact the lives of people for better or worse. I'm sure in Hezekiah's time there were enough politics, wars, and social pressures to stress a man of his position. I'm certain he dealt with nay sayers and doubters of his decisions. After all, Hezekiah's father was a man who did not seek the will of God and instead led his kingdom into the worship of false gods. The kingdom he inherited was in ruins.

When reading the Old Testament, it is SOOO easy to take the humanity quotient out of the people we read about and just read about their actions and move on. But these people were just like us. There is so much to be learned from their lives. The first act that King Hezekiah performed was to begin to lead the community of the Israelites into worship by reopening the temple of the Lord. As you continue to read the story of Hezekiah, you find a community of people responding to his leadership finding peace and joy in service to their Lord. It's an INCREDIBLE story that I highly recommend to you to read. But when you read it, realize that he was simply a man that God was able to use in mighty ways because his heart was open to the Lord and he followed Him with his whole heart.

"And every work that he undertook in the service of the house of God and in accordance with the law and the commandments, seeking his God, he did with all his heart, and prospered.
(2 Chronicles 31:21 ESV)"

I am humbled to read of such a man. I desire to be a woman who follows after God with such a heart.

His love speaks volumes.

An old professor of mine gave me a high compliment over the weekend. He told me that when he knew me as a student he thought of me as an individual that knew God by name. I've been thinking about this ever since he said it to me, mostly because I so desire this to be true in my life. I long to be a person who knows my Lord and shares him with others. Part of my blog mission is to share the heart of God with you, my beautiful and awesome readers, as He shares it with me.

Tonight, my roommate and I were discussing the importance of reading the bible. I've been recently trying to get back into habit but admittedly it is not as often practiced as it should be. Now, the law would say I should read the Bible because God told me to. Grace shows me that I want to read the bible because it helps to bring life. God speaks to me through His word. It is a fairly regular occurrence to read a portion of scripture and feel as if it had "come alive" in my reading. I could have read that same passage 100 times before but in the most recent reading, the Holy Spirit will quicken my hearts understanding and I will newly engage that particular portion of scripture.

The bible also helps me recognize the voice of my Father. Jesus indicated in scripture that his sheep know his voice. Naturally, we are the sheep, but how can we learn his voice? Our thoughts are filled constantly with many things including our own thoughts, words that others have spoken to us, whispers from the enemy, garbage of our day (ie. commercials, etc), negative thought patterns that we've come to accept, and of course words from God. The previous sentence is not a complete list but our thought life is filled and how are we to know where all these thoughts come from. How can we discern the voice of the Spirit speaking truth into our hearts versus the voice of our enemy lying to us. There are many ways to develop an open heart to the words of our God, but one proven way is to mediate on scripture and learn the love God has for you through His word.

Names are an intimate thing, for a person to know one's name is to know something about that person. In biblical times, a name often described something about a person. Hence, why Saul's name changed to Paul in the New Testament. God has revealed His name to us. God has many names as He is infinite. He first revealed Himself as "I am" to Abraham (who also experienced a name change upon meeting the true God). But since within biblical understanding, names represented character - Love describes my God. His love is unlike any others as His love embraces me despite knowing everything about me. His love covers over sin, His love pursues, His love comforts, His love calls, His love is perfect.

I can find rest within His love.

I'm gonna write me a sad, sad song

I'm gonna write me a sad, sad song
This one isn't about hope or what's to come
No this one ain't about all the good there is
Not the beauty, not the quirky, not the downright amusing

No, this one is my sad sad song
You may not understand why this is
After all, I've got a job so that's real good
I've got a home and people in my life, it's true

Still tonight, I'm gonna sing me a sad, sad song
No my health status has not changed. I'm fine.
money's tight but that's the same so no surprise
I'm weary and I'm tired and a little brokenhearted

and for a moment I'm gonna sing my sad sad song
For this moment is as real as any good
this one is as important as the hopeful song
this one tells a part of my story, so it's alright

Someday I'll make sense of what's unclear
maybe I'll understand the bitterness that I see
what's wrong will be made right
and when it is I'll remember this sad sad song

He is still the God who turns mourning into joy
He makes new light into the darkest place
He came and promised to come again so He will
and on that day there will never be another sad sad song