Faith to Believe

Three times I heard this chorus by Laura Story today -

"We pray for wisdom,Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe"

It was the third time that I was stopped.
"Faith to believe"

Believe what you may ask? That everything will work out marvelously? That you will be the one person who is spared from the tragedies that fall upon humanity. Yes, you will have the miraculous healing, the son given back to you, poverty stalled, joy abounding. Does God work in the way? Absolutely. But not always. Jesus didn't heal every lepor and blind man. He didn't bring back every widow's son. He healed some. His goal wasn't neccesarily to give people what they wanted. He glorified God. A miracle in the right moment brings glory to God. A "miracle" that becomes a daily occurence is a circus side show.

I know that God works miracles. I've seen it in my own life and many of my friends. But ultimately we need to have faith to believe that God is who He says He is. God will work things out for good. We can trust and rest in Him no matter the outcome of our current circumstances. Faith in God brings a hope that will never disappoint but instead a hope that quickens and grows with each passing day until the day our faith becomes sight.

In Proper Order

I find peace at the lake.
Whenever I can, I steal a few moments to hop out onto a big rock.
It is there I can finally see clearly.
For no matter what kind of day I've had,
there, the world lies in proper order.

Tiny waves journey forward creating their own perfect pathways.
The sun slowly begins to set creating a beautiful masterpiece.
Tiny boats sail across the crisp blue waves.
Hungry seagulls seek and dive to fetch their dinner;
moments later they soar across the skies again.

People of all shapes and sizes connect along the pathway:
chatting, biking, running, laughing, walking, and holding hands.
Children invent new games, finding adventure along the beach.
The luckiest of dogs run free, obedient to their master's call.

As I sit upon my rock, I am surprised to find
that I too am now in proper order.

Reflecting and Resting in my Creator.

A Few of my Favorites

Donald Miller, in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, poses a thought about how maybe, just maybe, when this life is over we will sit and chat with God and tell him our favorite parts of the stories he gave us. In the movie, City of Angels, a little girl dies and as she walks to heaven with Seth, (an angel) she tells him that her favorite thing about life were "pajamas with feet".

What would I tell God were my favorite parts? Do I have favorites or am I too busy trying to make something out of life that I've forgotten to spend time enjoying the time God's given. Here are a few of my top favorites of the current moment, that if given the chance, I will share with God.

Squirrels I love them. Every time I see one, I smile. Sometimes I remember how they remind me that God provides. Other times, I just smile at their ability to jump, climb, and run with a quirkiness that is unique to their species.

Running I'm still a novice, but I love feeling the wind as I run. I love viewing the world as I pass it by. I enjoy the thrill of running alongside others or simply sharing the path with a passerby.

Fleece Blankets There is nothing better to me than cuddling up under a blanket. Blankets almost make me like the cold because they give me the chance to utilize one. Blankets are like hugs from God.

Writing There is no greater thrill than havin inspiration flow from my mind to a document. Forming letters and words into phrases of meaning is the epitome of my creative outlet.

Lazy days with my roommates and/or housemates Yesterday was a great example of this. We sat outside, watched the dogs play, talked, and just spent time together. It was great. Nothing fancy needed, just being together is enough. Time stands still and for a moment, we are young again with seemingly endless sumer days before us.

Smiles When a person smiles without being forced by a camera, their beauty shines. I love catching people in those moments when out of sheer joy or amusement, their faces just glow. Have you ever noticed how unique smiles are? Everyone seems to have a slightly different one.

Oh, I have plenty more. I think I will have to entertain this exercise of reflecting on favorites again. I cannot help but be thankful at the many good gifts the Father has given. And most of these are fairly inconsequential. I haven't touched the surface on the joy of purpose, love, shared understanding, joy, the hope in knowing Christ, etc.

I wonder, what are you favorites? I'd love to hear any thoughts that you may have!

Day by Day

In the stillness, I know who God is.
When my thoughts and hurts stop screaming out, I can sense Him.
Reminding me again that this life is about Him.
What I make of it fades, and for a minute I can breath deeply.

In those moments, I can praise His name.
I forget about me and find Him.
I'm certain God breaths in a sigh of relief - "Finally, she sees!"

My thoughts go to the Psalmists who cried out to the Lord
DAY AFTER DAY
and waited.

I cry out for a
MINUTE
and expect a response.

But this life is a gift from Him.
Good gifts come to us from the Father.
Thus, this present moment is a gift.
Not my idea of a gift, but I must trust in Him.

So, I suppose I will join in with the Psalmists,
crying out to my Father day by day and await His response.


I trust in two verses:

Psalm 27:13 - I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

and

Isaiah 40:31 - but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.


Alass, the moment fades. Thoughts begin to crowd in. Emotions overwhelm. But I remember the moment of clarity. I will draw close to the One who loves me. Again and again I shall return for there is NO other peace.

Be Warned

Give your sorrows into the Hand of God. He can carry them.

I should warn you. Doing this does NOT guarantee: a solution to your problem, happy feelings to replace your sorrow, or an overwhelming sense of His presence. Quite frankly, bringing your sorrows to God does not guarantee anything except knowledge that He alone can carry them. I can pretty much guarantee that if you are willing, your heart may be guided to acknowledge HIM as God.

Here's the thing: God is fully capable of filling our hearts with joy, bringing back the dead, healing the sick, solving your problem, and also certainly capable of allowing you to feel his presence in a way that would change your life forever. That doesn't mean he will. He is God, not a jukebox. He is infinite and you are a mere finite being. Do you really feel you can tell God how to act towards you? He has already provided His Son as a sacrifice and payment for your sins. Does God owe you anything? He does not. God is gracious and merciful and will often respond to the cry of his broken hearted child. But in His perfect knowledge and understanding, there are times when He will respond in other ways that may be uncomfortable at the time.

I would urge you to allow God to respond as He desires. It is for your good. Your times are already in His hands, give Him your heart as well and wait. For your Deliverer and Savior will work things out for good. But sometimes, you just have to wait and Trust in who He already said He is, and revealed to you in the past. Many have died waiting for His hand to restore and redeem. But trust me, they now understand his restoration and redemption. God is amazing enough to do so many good things for us while we are here. But, life is NOT for our happiness. It's a ridiculous notion that we should pursue happiness. Pursue righteousness and holiness and stop looking for temporal happiness.

I believe God will conform our desires to match His so we might as well stop fighting. ;)

When all else fails

Answers fade
Meaning becomes illusive
Quick-fixes fail again
Temporary solution burn out

In those moments, we have to walk in the midst of what hurts and burdens our hearts.


In the pain and questions of life I feel the intense calling out of the Lord to seek His face. In the joys, I will glance up and praise God for what has been given. Okay, I do that on occasion, certainly not every time. I praise the Giver and enjoy His gifts. In the hurt and pain, I seek Him. I experience WHO He is and not only his bountiful supply. Sometimes the pain and heartache remains despite His presence. That's alright, it is a part of our life. But there is something so deep within that finds fulfillment in those moments. Something more tangible and more real that I could ever express.

God is real. I know because He loves me. His acceptance of you (and me) is something we can barely comprehend. When I am with others, the question may arise as to whether or not I am being too much of a certain characteristic. "She's too boring, crazy, talkative, focused, unfocused, spiritual, worldly, etc. etc. etc." We love to simplify and criticize one another. With God, there is no need to pretend to be anything that we are not. He accepts us as we are and loves us unconditionally.

I am quite unloveable this evening, but God's love remains. What a glorious mystery that I will happily spend the rest of my life only grasping at such deep truths of His undeserved, free gift of unmerited love and favor.

A Severe Mercy

It is in gratitude that I find myself compelled to write this note. I just finished reading A Severe Mercy by Shedlon Vanauken. Truly, I was drawn to this book from the very first word until the last. It is an autobiographical story of Sheldon's love for his wife "Davy", the story of their walks to faith in Christ, his dealing with his grief over her untimely death, and throughout the book his friendship with C.S. Lewis. I must admit, this look at C.S. Lewis is refreshing and real. A view from a friend instead of the many admirers of his books and theology. His letters that he wrote to Vanauken which are shared are also poignant and refreshingly raw.

My heart is full after taking this little journey into Mr. Vanauken's life. I am moved at the depth of relationship two folks can find in a shared love but moved perhaps even more profoundly by the relationship all three of them (Lewis, Vanuken, Davy) had with their God. I find myself in awe with Vanauken at the severe mercy of God's hand on his own life. A view one can only take after long reflection and humble submission to God.

I am indebted to the book for leading me on a journey to question my own relationship with my Lord which led me to realizing the chasm that is felt between us is more often than not due to my pursuits of things other than Christ. After all, my all is to be found in Him. I need not venture to find other hopes, dreams, love, satisfaction, security, adventure, or anything else outside of Him. When I am following closely after my Lord, I will find that He is the author and perfect0r of my faith and the most perfect guide for my life. As this book illustrates, when we die to ourselves, we find our life in Him and our true joy. It's crazy...I know.

I would encourage anyone looking for a quality read to pick this book up. This story like so many of our own stories reveals the beauty that is often found amidst deep and personal tragedy and enduring love.

Far too often, I desire to share quotes from beloved books that I have come to cherish but I often find them inadequate at revealing the tone and beauty of the books as a whole. This time is no different. So much of the beauty is found in the whole not in part.

So, be blessed dear friends near and far, tagged and untagged. The fact that you took the time to read my little note means the world. May you find rest in the untamed and often misunderstood mercy of our God.